being sick with the flu for the past week, even though it feels so much longer, i thought i would take a bath this morning. My legs were just aching when i got up. after a nice soak my wife brings Nathaniel in to see daddy. well, once that boy sees the tub, he has to get in. how do you resist that?
let me add here that i think the bath is not the best way to get clean. you are in stagnate water that is full of soap and shampoo not to mention that i shave while in there. so i always have to run the shower for a quick rinse off. am i a bit silly? maybe. oh well.
so i grab my son and of course, he is so excited to be on the shower with dad. like most people, my son does not enjoy the water splashing him in the face. which means i hold him while we shower. being 12 months old, this is still realistic. i imagine one day he will be the one supporting me in the shower. wow! that will be years from now. anyway! as i hold him, Nathaniel puts his hand in the water stream and giggles. first of all. that is worth many hours of contemplation. my boy absolutely loves the water. just like his dad. well, as he is trying to grab the water streams, i move him closer to the water not realizing that he is looking up and the stream hits him right in the eyes!
his little head jerks right back from the stream and of course i feel like..... well, not to good. but what does he do next? after i kiss his face and tell him how sorry i am, my boy lays his head on my shoulder and cuddles up with me. as he rubs his eyes that are in obvious pain, he looks to me for comfort. am i not the one who just put him in the position to receive this pain? why was he not angry with me? i am not sure he cared about who to blame or why he was hurting. at that moment all that mattered was he was hurting and i was there. so what does my son do when he is in pain? he immediately looks for his mother or me for comfort.
i know that this is not a huge life changing event that may have him in a psychologist office one day trying to figure out his fear of water. and these types of things happen all the time to kids and it is a part of life that is normal. but that is not my point.
after the shower we got dressed and it was time for a nap. one of my favorite dad jobs is tucking my son in. our routine is to cuddle in the gliding chair and talk for a bit. well, at this stage, i do the talking. usually we pray and sing often combining the two. then i put Nathaniel in his bed. this is something he understands is the norm. when i am not home, mom does it. most of the time while he is resting on my shoulder i am able to gather my thoughts and just focus on our family. and today i thought back on some conversations i have had with his uncle j.
protecting Nathaniel from pain is not realistic. I'm not talking about the obvious responsibilities of a parent keeping a child safe. but pain is a part of life. unfortunately most of us were never taught how to deal with our pain. we just learned to cope, to survive. this is not what i wish to teach my son. we must learn to work through our pain. face it head on. let's be real. most of our decisions in life are made through the thought filters of our pain. pain is an indicator that something is not right. this is a good thing. when the pain is physical, discovering the source is usually not that difficult. but when the pain is emotional, well that is harder.
pain in my life has been normal. i am not alone in this. acknowledging the pain helps me know that i am alive. now don't get me wrong. this is not how i wish to live, in pain. but i must accept it and then the question is, what do i do with it? this is what i want to teach Nathaniel.
only Jesus can heal. most people reject this belief because of their desire for control. control of their lives. i realized years ago that we can control nothing outside of our response. there is always something that will screw up our environment. not talking about the earth. but our personal environment. for example, cancer does not care how much money or power you may have. when i was just out of high school there was a girl who was rear ended. when she got out, the man who hit her car, shot her. then he drove off. the cops found him and had him cornered. the dude shot himself and the whole thing was over. but it wasn't. that girl had family and friends who mourned for who knows how long? I'm sure the parents will never get over it. yes they will move on. but the pain will never leave. i use these example to illustrate our true lack of control.
another reason poeple reject the belief in Jesus is because of their pain. weather they wish to admit it or not is irrelivant. for some reason they are angry with God. that's ok. He still wants to heal them. many people have asked me, why would God let this happen? these people never ask me, why did God give us free will? my mom, her mom and dad all died from cancer. could God have healed them. I truly believe so. did He? well this depends on your definition of healing. my response has often been; if we could fully understand God, He wouldn't be much of one. I desire my son to ask hard questions that require much discussion. i have met many who claim to be atheist. for to be an atheist, it would requird you to know all the mysteries of the universe. otherwise how can a man of thought and intellect be so arrogant to reject things he cannot understand. the word is; control. we want it. we can never really have it. if you think your in control of your life? stop paying taxes. i know that is a bit silly. but come on. think about it. what do we really have control of? you tell me what you control, and I'll show you how your fooling yourself.
so what does this have to do with a cute little story of my adorable little son getting water in his eyes? simple....PAIN!
we all have it, we all get it and we all cause it. and if my son chooses. he, his mother and i will journey together and discover the healing Jesus has for us. to live a life of fulfillment. to actually live. not just exist. life, sometimes, really suck. but often it is wonderful. we can't often control what comes our way. but we do choose how we will respond. and once again. that choice is usually dictated by our pain. my prayer for my family.....
Jesus, give us the strength we need to stay humble and teachable. Thank you that your grace is bigger than our circumstance. I thank you that your shoulders can handle my doubt and that you are not disturbed by my lack of faith. Just like the man who's daughter you healed said. I believe, but help me with my unbelief. Thank you for guiding my family. We are thankful for what we have and help us to not envy the things we don't have. I pray that you pour your love into us so we can love the way you do. Give us the strength to just be. Thank You for my wife and son. Expose the pain in my life that keeps me from loving Kimberly more. I wish to give her all of me. I know that this is a lifetime journey. We have chosen to do it together. and love is an action. So I want to love her more today. Amen
My desire is not to give answers, but to raise questions. together we as a family will seek the truth. and my son, you will have to get the answers from God yourself. I will guide you and teach you to hear His voice. but you must seek for yourself. Right now you walk with your mother and me. One day you with leave us behind and your journey will continue. Seek wisdom.
let me add here that i think the bath is not the best way to get clean. you are in stagnate water that is full of soap and shampoo not to mention that i shave while in there. so i always have to run the shower for a quick rinse off. am i a bit silly? maybe. oh well.
so i grab my son and of course, he is so excited to be on the shower with dad. like most people, my son does not enjoy the water splashing him in the face. which means i hold him while we shower. being 12 months old, this is still realistic. i imagine one day he will be the one supporting me in the shower. wow! that will be years from now. anyway! as i hold him, Nathaniel puts his hand in the water stream and giggles. first of all. that is worth many hours of contemplation. my boy absolutely loves the water. just like his dad. well, as he is trying to grab the water streams, i move him closer to the water not realizing that he is looking up and the stream hits him right in the eyes!
his little head jerks right back from the stream and of course i feel like..... well, not to good. but what does he do next? after i kiss his face and tell him how sorry i am, my boy lays his head on my shoulder and cuddles up with me. as he rubs his eyes that are in obvious pain, he looks to me for comfort. am i not the one who just put him in the position to receive this pain? why was he not angry with me? i am not sure he cared about who to blame or why he was hurting. at that moment all that mattered was he was hurting and i was there. so what does my son do when he is in pain? he immediately looks for his mother or me for comfort.
i know that this is not a huge life changing event that may have him in a psychologist office one day trying to figure out his fear of water. and these types of things happen all the time to kids and it is a part of life that is normal. but that is not my point.
after the shower we got dressed and it was time for a nap. one of my favorite dad jobs is tucking my son in. our routine is to cuddle in the gliding chair and talk for a bit. well, at this stage, i do the talking. usually we pray and sing often combining the two. then i put Nathaniel in his bed. this is something he understands is the norm. when i am not home, mom does it. most of the time while he is resting on my shoulder i am able to gather my thoughts and just focus on our family. and today i thought back on some conversations i have had with his uncle j.
protecting Nathaniel from pain is not realistic. I'm not talking about the obvious responsibilities of a parent keeping a child safe. but pain is a part of life. unfortunately most of us were never taught how to deal with our pain. we just learned to cope, to survive. this is not what i wish to teach my son. we must learn to work through our pain. face it head on. let's be real. most of our decisions in life are made through the thought filters of our pain. pain is an indicator that something is not right. this is a good thing. when the pain is physical, discovering the source is usually not that difficult. but when the pain is emotional, well that is harder.
pain in my life has been normal. i am not alone in this. acknowledging the pain helps me know that i am alive. now don't get me wrong. this is not how i wish to live, in pain. but i must accept it and then the question is, what do i do with it? this is what i want to teach Nathaniel.
only Jesus can heal. most people reject this belief because of their desire for control. control of their lives. i realized years ago that we can control nothing outside of our response. there is always something that will screw up our environment. not talking about the earth. but our personal environment. for example, cancer does not care how much money or power you may have. when i was just out of high school there was a girl who was rear ended. when she got out, the man who hit her car, shot her. then he drove off. the cops found him and had him cornered. the dude shot himself and the whole thing was over. but it wasn't. that girl had family and friends who mourned for who knows how long? I'm sure the parents will never get over it. yes they will move on. but the pain will never leave. i use these example to illustrate our true lack of control.
another reason poeple reject the belief in Jesus is because of their pain. weather they wish to admit it or not is irrelivant. for some reason they are angry with God. that's ok. He still wants to heal them. many people have asked me, why would God let this happen? these people never ask me, why did God give us free will? my mom, her mom and dad all died from cancer. could God have healed them. I truly believe so. did He? well this depends on your definition of healing. my response has often been; if we could fully understand God, He wouldn't be much of one. I desire my son to ask hard questions that require much discussion. i have met many who claim to be atheist. for to be an atheist, it would requird you to know all the mysteries of the universe. otherwise how can a man of thought and intellect be so arrogant to reject things he cannot understand. the word is; control. we want it. we can never really have it. if you think your in control of your life? stop paying taxes. i know that is a bit silly. but come on. think about it. what do we really have control of? you tell me what you control, and I'll show you how your fooling yourself.
so what does this have to do with a cute little story of my adorable little son getting water in his eyes? simple....PAIN!
we all have it, we all get it and we all cause it. and if my son chooses. he, his mother and i will journey together and discover the healing Jesus has for us. to live a life of fulfillment. to actually live. not just exist. life, sometimes, really suck. but often it is wonderful. we can't often control what comes our way. but we do choose how we will respond. and once again. that choice is usually dictated by our pain. my prayer for my family.....
Jesus, give us the strength we need to stay humble and teachable. Thank you that your grace is bigger than our circumstance. I thank you that your shoulders can handle my doubt and that you are not disturbed by my lack of faith. Just like the man who's daughter you healed said. I believe, but help me with my unbelief. Thank you for guiding my family. We are thankful for what we have and help us to not envy the things we don't have. I pray that you pour your love into us so we can love the way you do. Give us the strength to just be. Thank You for my wife and son. Expose the pain in my life that keeps me from loving Kimberly more. I wish to give her all of me. I know that this is a lifetime journey. We have chosen to do it together. and love is an action. So I want to love her more today. Amen
My desire is not to give answers, but to raise questions. together we as a family will seek the truth. and my son, you will have to get the answers from God yourself. I will guide you and teach you to hear His voice. but you must seek for yourself. Right now you walk with your mother and me. One day you with leave us behind and your journey will continue. Seek wisdom.
